Over time, you will love and lose people as you go along. Nobody stays as is- we either grow up with the ones we care about or we grow apart. People change with time, things, and feelings. Trust me, I learned that the hard way.
There are people we keep and people that we are better off without. Nobody needs a thousand friends. I would rather have a few handful willing to take a bullet for me (I’m definitely blessed with the ones I have).
For sanity’s sake, I do a “people inventory” for four years now; which ones should I hold on to and which ones should I cut off. These are my guidelines:
- Anyone who takes advantage of you, must go, anyone who lied, will never make it.
- Keep the friends you have a shouting match with, but make up with after five seconds.
- Keep ones who’d take you in when you’re homeless, keep you intact when you’re all but falling apart.
- Keep the people who would drop what they’re doing, when you admit to need help.
- Talk is cheap and unsolicited advice is something you can definitely do without- get rid of people who offer that.
- Be with those who’ll sit with you on the gutter when you’re broke and broken- and all the while help you pick the pieces up.
- The best ones are those who love you unequivocally and just let you be; watch you from a distance after lovingly telling you what they think about the crazy stunt you’re pulling. Then be there and dust you off and say, “there you go” without even saying, “I told you so”.
- Get rid of people who drown you with their issues and keep you as company because they’re lonely.
- Get rid of people who cannot tell the difference between closeness and being painfully clingy; who cannot respect boundaries- who conclude without knowing.
- Get rid of people who try to live through you, who vent their frustrations on you. You already have issues of your own. You don’t need them double.
- Be with people who ask for your blessing even if they don’t have to. These people respect you which means they will never betray you.
Following these guidelines kept me from stress and supplementary life dramas. I keep a few friends now, but the relationships I have with them are with substance. It’s always about quality not quantity. You don’t owe anyone anything; but your mental well-being and emotional health are up to you.