I cannot remember how I started to become obsessed with Batanes, but it has always been on my bucket list since time immemorial. When I got extremely sick last June, I thought of death. Then I got horrified with the thought of leaving this Earth without doing most of my dreams. I know it sounds dramatic, but believe me, if you’re in a near death pain, you’d think of the most crazy things.
I can vividly remember how I booked my flight. It was around 2am. My flare pain was keeping me awake. I opened my laptop, searched for flights to Batanes, saw a cheaper flight than the regular, booked flight in my birthday week and slept soundly after.
As my flight date got nearer, I had a lot of panic attacks. You see, I get brain fogs every now and then, which could be dangerous if I go on a solo trip in a place inhabited by strangers. But for some strange reason, I was also excited. In fact, very excited that even if Batanes was hit by a super typhoon just days before my flight, couldn’t contact my hostel and the tour company that I pre-booked months before, I still didn’t cancel. I was able to find another hostel that to my luck, also offers a really cheap tour package as well. To be honest, I was just as confused as my friends and family at how determined I was despite the impending signs and dangers of another incoming storm. I was unstoppable.
I spent 3 days in Batanes and those days were some of the most, if not THE BEST DAYS I’ve ever had. I was at my happiest! I had peace of mind, I was able to reflect, I saw God’s magnificent creation, I felt loved, and even if I had almost no makeup on, I felt like I was at my most gorgeous self.
Aside from wearing a very well planned wardrobe or as millennials call it “OOTD”, my hair was at its softest because of the generous wind. The sun kissed my skin gently and the air touched my body with the utmost care. I was breathless most of the time and that’s while watching the ocean touch the land from the view points in Batanes. So romantic!
I found my forever when my tour guide and I watched the sunset from Vayang Rolling Hills. The place was absolutely beautiful and romantic that I cried. I cried because I was so happy. It was as if God whispered and gave answers to my questions on that hill. I had an epiphany.
“MAY FOREVER CASS.” Yes, I think God whispered that to me. Not literally, of course, that would be weird. But I had a realization, it was almost surreal, I had goosebumps and I cried.
MAY FOREVER. Why? Even after a failed marriage? A baby daddy? A the-one-that-got-away? A mistake?
MAY FOREVER KAY FAILED MARRIAGE AND BABY DADDY– My failed marriage/relationship gave me a plate full of lifetime lessons. I now have a forever barometer of what kind of man (or woman) should my children ought to be in a relationship with, a what-not-to-do guidelines, a forever living example on why you should appreciate your parents’ and listen to their pieces of advice more, and an unlimited chance of giving forgiveness everytime the ex decides to be an arse. May FOREVER.
MAY FOREVER KAY TOTGA– TOTGA showed me true love. I will always love him forever from afar. Nobody can ever replace him. May FOREVER.
MAY FOREVER KAY MISTAKE– My friends will forever mock me because of my poor taste. HAHAHAHAHA! May FOREVER!
I know this sounds like I am joking, but I am not. While it is fulfilling to have someone stay with you forever, and believe me, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to have that; it is also a substantial feeling in recognizing the good from the bad. I believe that’s my silver lining. We focus too much on “WALANG FOREVER” just because people break up. But we can’t be too hard on ourselves, can we? For me, there’s just no formula for true love. Some people can take the pain and can give a love so great that it’s indestructible even if they were cheated on, physically hurt or their partners can’t love them; but there are also other people who can’t and I believe it doesn’t make them bad people or any less of a person that deserves true love. Every situation gives us a lifetime of experience and lessons learned.
There’s a reason for everything– while I don’t agree with this phrase at hard times, it will all make sense when everything else is in place. I may not have a man with me for a very long time, I could be single forever or I might die alone- it doesn’t mean that I don’t have forever. I was able to experience my forever, I just didn’t hold on to it.
Call it crazy, corny, cliche but I found my forever in Batanes, and it’s God’s answers to my questions. I am now happier than ever.