Cassie’s Soliloquy

I have seen you at your most blissful and when you were in much excruciation. More than anyone, I know the warmth of your smile, the sweetness of your laughter, the bitterness of your hurt, and how much tears you cried, and how much more dried on your cheeks.

I know best how you are when you love. How you give until you bleed yourself dry. I know, more than anyone, how you refuse to look at another and insist that you already have the best and do not need anything else or anyone better.

I know each pain, each betrayal, each disillusionment. I saw you cry yourself to sleep and pray for what you feel to vanish on thin air and have your smile on your lips again. I witnessed you go downward-spiral into depression. I know your strength and your persistence to move on and I saw cruel people pull you back and keep you from moving on.

I know your kindness and generosity. I saw people take advantage. I saw how you forgive and let go. I know how much you believe in people’s goodness. I know how people mistake you for a fool-for being forgiving, kind, and honest.

I also know how much more there is to you. I see you fight for what you believe in everyday; how you stand up for what is right; defend the helpless; and inspire the hopeless. I know how much you keep bottled inside your heart- you reveal and conceal. You only give half the story and only a very few can unlock the secrets in your heart’s recesses.

You are braver and stronger than people give you credit for, but when you let that feistiness out, they complain about you being mean? There’s no pleasing everyone and you know that and you do not care; but you care for others’ feelings.

You can be direct and straightforward, difficult and stubborn, opinionated and strong-willed. You are tough and that’s what people see-although you are in tears and screaming inwardly. I know your sadness and the pangs of insecurity you battle with-the insecurities everyone thinks are non-existent.
You are outside looking in and want to be a part of the circle, but you hold back because you are afraid of getting hurt, of rejection. That is why you always run away, you have been running scared for far too long-are you not exhausted yet?

You have built a wall around you. You have held yourself back and denied yourself the happiness you deserve in favor of your routine, your comfort zone. You want to fall in love, but your feet stay glued on firm ground.

Let go. Stop worrying. Stop thinking. The past is over and the future comes much later. See what is in front of you, what you have. Savor it, don’t ruin it. Stop being scared.

Don’t worry, I know you’ll be fine. Love like you have never been hurt. You are a gift. You are a great person. Someone who fails to see that, fails to see a beautiful gift. That is what you are.


Stop being scared. Breathe.



32nd birthday. September 22, 2015. House of Hope, Davao City.

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